Hinterland Of Obscurity's Second Dimension
Odd World 2
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It was the second semester of my freshman year in high school. That's when I first found out about my sexual orientation and my phobias. Everyday while the students went to the cafeteria during lunch time, I would always stay in my teacher's classroom because I was an outcast and I didn't wanna be around the others. One day I remember sitting at the computer; doing research! I used to type questions like, "What is it called to___?" and "What does it mean when___?"
I am aromantic, asexual, anti-romantic, and anti-sexual! That is my preference or "sexual orientation".... However you wanna call it, but I only have five phobias. I got genophobia, haphephobia, tokophobia, pedophobia, and gamophobia! I also struggle with misopedia too! Except misopedia isn't really a fear!!
I don't wanna know and I don't care! My career is my main focus!!! Money is what puts a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, and pays the bills! What can love provide? NOTHING PERIOD!!! I'm not waiting for mister right... Nor am I going to search for him! There's no such thing as "THE ONE!" Everybody is full of crap! I've lost my faith in humanity ages ago... And correction: I do not push people away! People stop talking to me because they choose to. It was their choice! Not mine!!! I don't have the power to control what anyone does! If this were the case, then heck yeah... I would make everybody follow my commands and be by my side forever. Infatuation and greediness is the reason all of my past acquaintance buddies decided not to have anything to do with me anymore. They started liking me sexually and romantically, but I wasn't interested; so they got upset. I did everything I could to convince them to stay and I tried to work something out with them. I even once said, "You can date other guys or girls and continue to have sex, but just don't approach me in that kind of way. Consider me as your non-intimate friend! Someone to speak to when you're bored or need advice." Apparently this wasn't good enough for them, since they still left! It was either their way or the high way!!!!!!!!!
Oh definitely! Don't even get me started on that. When there is no understanding or compatibility, it opens the door of confusion and once confusion starts to happen; frustration and anger comes next... Which leads to lack of interest, rejection, and unfair treatment!!!! That is what's going on between me and most people. If my old normal self traveled to the future to meet the new weird me of today, somebody is going to have to break up a huge cat fight because they will not get along under any circumstances.... Unless they put their differences aside and make peace with one another. Something I wish we would do together, (me & society).
I don't got any friends! I consider everybody in my social circle as my acquaintance... And to be perfectly honest; I don't feel any kind of negative emotion or have any negative thoughts toward those people. They're nice, they're cool, they're friendly, they never tried to hurt me, and I enjoy spending time with each one of them.. Otherwise we wouldn't be talking or hanging out; if I didn't! Only thing I want them to do that they're not doing is defend me when I'm being attacked by haters.
2 reasons why! Scared, irritated, uncomfortable, helpless, humiliated, and taken advantage of. This is the way I felt in the course of being harassed sexually when I was a little kid! Those feelings come back to haunt me; every time I see pornographic activity taking place... Or, when someone does and says something sexual to me. I just don't want to remember my sad miserable past and I don't need to relive the nightmare ever again. I'm moving on with my life! Time for new beginnings and a fresh clean slate!!! That is the first reason why I can't stand sex or why I believe it's wrong, but the second reason is because I notice what it does to people and how it poisons their mind. They can't think straight or have a pleasant conversation without inserting sex into everything and acting extremely inappropriate. Sex is nothing more than a sick nasty drug for the folks who have a high sex drive! Sex was naturally intended to be something to do to relieve stress whenever you are tensed or horny... But once the fun is over; you're supposed to come back to reality and focus on the things that matter, and behave like your regular self again.
Totally accidental! As the old saying goes, "We have no regulation of who we meet in our life and what we hear, see, or experience... But it's up to us; what we choose to do and how we choose to go about the situation." If someone or something is bothering you; that is because you are allowing ( them to / it to. )
I say weird offensive shit... (excuse my language), but I've never actually done anything bad or illegal before in my life! There isn't a crime unless an action has been made. Talk is cheap! Doing it is the real deal. Plus, I'm a sociopath... Not a psychopath! Venting is my way of expressing my dark ideas and urges... I do have self control, unlike most of us; and yes I know how to manage my thoughts, so please enlighten me for a second... Tell me: How the heck can I possibly be guilty for having an imbalance inside of my brain because of the tragedy I went through at a young age???? I was just born in the wrong place; around the wrong people and I was forced to live under complexity; years after years until I couldn't take anymore!!!! We are only used to what we have been exposed to while we were growing up. Our childhood has a strong impact on our mentality and the person that we blossom into as we get older. If you always had an easy happy life, you're gonna be normal and optimistic! But if you had a rough horrible time as a kid; like I did, you might be kinda mentally dysfunctional. Society doesn't look at the story behind our character. They only judge the outer surface! They make assumptions according to first impression only... I AM AN INNOCENT ANGEL! My enemies are the real criminals. They're not even trying to help me, comfort me, or understand why I'm screwed up!!!! Ever since I came out of the closet and started sharing my conditions with the world; it has been hell on wheels. All people are doing is calling me names, pointing fingers, getting upset, and lashing out. Anger doesn't really solve the situation!!! It makes the problem worser. Let's use an example: Say you lived with a family member who has schizophrenia! They did and said crazy terrible things at certian moments but they were not aware of their wrongdoings! Will you get mad and fight them??? Or are you gonna take them to get the help they need? And what if you lived with someone who was paralyzed??? Would you complain because you have to take care of them and do everything for them??? Or will you hire a nurse???
It's hard for me to believe in something I haven't witnessed for myself! Until I am proven wrong; I will always call it a fairytale no matter what! Since the day I was born into this world, nobody has ever loved me. Some people told me a couple of times how much they cared about me but their sweet words went in one ear and out the other because their actions did not match anything they said! Everyone has been showing me the opposite of love and that's hatred!!! By the way, it's not just love I don't believe in. It's all intimate things together! Love, marriage, relationships, friendship, and teamsmanship.
I've discussed this before! Despite the provocations and the challenges that I dealt with; being at home around my twisted family, I wasn't exactly everybody's favorite person at school either. I was a black sheep! The certain somebody that the students and the whole entire faculty loved to tease, frame, manipulate, beat up, threaten, torment, cut down, and humiliate... Just to feel better about their own pathetic selves! Technically the abuse divided into 50/50! I took verbal and physical beat-downs away from home for a few hours and then I had to prepare myself to face a couple more punches after I came back to my house again. I felt like a rag doll; being thrown and slapped from corner to corner!!!! While the other students were busy making good grades, socializing with friends, participating in academic activities, and winning all sorts of awards.... I was basically hiding behind the loser squad; prancing in circles! Playing the role of a test monkey and a guinea pig. But moving along to your question now!!! *rewind-rewind* You asked me, "What brought about misopedia?" Okay so the truth is and listen to me carefully.... I can never ever look at a child, be near a child, or talk to a child; without feeling the pain that I felt when those evil kids did what they did to me when I was in grade school! It keeps haunting me over and over again! The pain won't leave me alone! Also, the youth reminds me of the valuable precious time that has been wasted on society's foolishness; when it should have been spent on playing games... And playing with toys and doing other kid stuff while I was little! My childhood got taken away from me. I had to be an adult before I became an adult! This is what made me have misopedia. The cause was because of the crap the students put me through and it was because of not having the chance to actually live like a kid and enjoy my young days.
Because I like animals in both ways! To have, keep, and love as a family pet... And to fill my belly, and satisfy my tastebuds whenever I am hungry!!!! They make a fantastic meal and also a great house pet all together, but some animals I just can't see myself eating or killing. Being a veggie; isn't easy for a carnivore who has been eating meat; ever since they were a baby. Meat is something I always had growing up and I'm addicted to it!!! Sorry
lol There ain't much faith left in me, but the little that I do still have; it's kinda complex. It's like one day I feel hopeful that something good will happen. I feel confident and eager to keep moving foward and to keep trying my best and my very hardest.... But then the next couple of minutes; I'm like, "Whatever! I'm so freakin' done!!! Nothing good is ever going to happen. There's no hope for me or anyone else and I don't care if I die right this second." My level of faith never flows on the same pattern. It is extremely transitional, and by the way, I am not religious. Nor am I a christian so do not call me that!!! I'm just spiritual, superstitious, and an occultist!
Spirituality = Love / Joy / Understanding / Power Religion = A policy Superstition = Fear / Hesitation / Worries
▪ Superstition is the assumption or the idea that things will start to go wrong; if you do not perform a certain action or say a particular word or phrase. It is a psychological fear of bad luck and a religious attempt to avoid bad luck from occurring.
▪ Religion is the belief in one god who gives a set of rules to be followed. The decision on whether he punishes a person or reward a person is according to if they follow the rules and how well they follow the rules! It involves a large group of people coming together as a whole to worship a god. Religion says and its motive is, "You are nothing. You're a lost soul until I save you and those who refuse to worship me; will be ridiculed and damned to hell for eternity!"
▪ Spirituality is establishing the spiritual knowledge of yourself and the spiritual deeper meaning and value of all things in general... It is hope and concentration in the human soul, and the bigger power that controls us and our capabilities, without being affiliated with the laws of nature or the advantages and the disadvantages of this physical materialistic world. Spirituality is to be free of fear, guilt, anger, jealousy, and being dominated. Spiritual individuals have a creed that we are light, joy, fullness, strength, and beauty. They believe we conceive power from whatever our concept of a higher power may be but the power is conceived as a strong force of love and forgiveness, rather than judgment and punishment unlike religion.
▪ Occultism is related to rituals and magick supernatural energy!
I had just turned 16 when I spotted the symptoms of haphephobia! At first, the signs were small and hardly noticeable. My condition did not take effect until the age of 18 or 19. (can't really remember)... I used to have two buddies who knew me the longest, and three close relatives that I liked more than any other person in my family. Sadly we do not talk to each other anymore!!! We lost touch somehow. They would hug me, hold my hand, and put their arms around my shoulder all the time while I was growing up... And I was satisfied! Their physical affection made me feel loved and protected. But once I reached my late teen years; all of those happy emotions went haywire!!! After a "get together" on my sixteenth birthday, they tried to touch me the same way they have been touching me for the past years of my life; and then out of nowhere; I hyperventilated and couldn't control my heart beat... It was beating way too fast!
No, I'm just a private person. That's all! There's a thin line between privacy and catfishing!!!
A catfish is someone who creates a fake account over the Internet, post pictures of another person, and try to convince everybody that it's actually them when it's not! They live double lives and they lie about pretty much everything! Including their personality and their lifestyle... Catfishing is when you pretend to be someone you are not and trick other people for your own selfish childish reasons! But a private reserved individual is either a guy or a female who would rather upload pictures of other things on their social media page. Anything except for their own identity! It could be images of their favorite quote, their favorite world view, their favorite outfit, their best friend, their close family members, their partner, their favorite food, or etc. But usually whenever they do decide post a photograph of another person, they always let others know that it's not really them in the (caption/comments!) They never tell lies about themselves.... They stay the same no matter what!!!! And they only show their real self to the folks they feel comfortable with... And the ones that ask them the right way!!!
Inside of my imagination; I am a celebrity! My face and my name is on the front cover of magazines and billboards... I have a great big mansion... I'm filthy stinkin' rich... I've accomplished everything that I ever wanted... And I am so famous that the whole world is practically on their knees; eating out of the palm of my hands. But in real life, I'm just a tiny bit popular over the Internet, and more people hate me than like me. My fan base is very small! I don't have a fancy place, a fancy car, or billions of dollars. I'm broke as hell but who knows??? Maybe in the future, things will get better for me and I will be on top. Blessings come to those who are hopeful and patient.
Well first off, I do not think that I am ugly and I don't think I'm beautiful either. In my eyes; I look like a plain average ordinary woman. We all have bodily imperfections and things we do not like about ourselves. Even those with the biggest ego.... They are also included because that is human nature!!! And secondly, there is a number of reasons as to why a person would choose to hide their face over the Internet! Low self esteem could be one reason but it's not the only one. Maybe they had some bad experiences with people in the past and they don't feel comfortable exposing their image. Believe it or not, I used to know a girl. She said she had a fake friend who posted her pictures on porn sites.... They were telling lies about her.. Saying she was an online whore! But anyway; my point is, you just don't know the next person's situation. It's better to ask questions and try to understand; rather than judge. And let me tell you another incident! One time there was a guy who told me that a random stranger made a fake account; using his identity and they were doing all kinds of crooked stuff over the Internet, while pretending to be him... And he got in so much trouble; for their bullcrap; even though he was innocent.
No, it doesn't hurt. The only pain you feel is the pain from your injury before you die, but that'll take a matter of seconds to go away or maybe hours. The time of your death; depends on how severe your injury is. When you die, your soul comes out and then the pain leaves forever. The reason why it doesn't stay is because it's not your soul that was hurting. It's just your physical body!
You can't take one little thing I say and hold on to it and use it to make all sorts of judgments about me; from here on out. I'm a moody ass woman. Point blank! Everybody who talks to me; knows this! My emotions change entirely too much. Some days I feel extremely ugly and other times; I feel like I'm the prettiest person in the world... Then there are moments when I could care less how I look." But the solid straightfoward answer is; I don't believe that I'm hideous or beautiful! I'm just ordinarily average. Usually the days when I post negative comments about my appearance, it just means that I'm having a temporary ugly phase.
Maybe because I'm not fully black! I am mixed with Indian and a little bit of hawaiian or islander or Polynesian... Whichever way you choose to say it! But I think I'll just stick to the word "Hawaiian" because my dad's father was from Kailua-Kona. It's a town on the west coast of Hawaii Island. But my grandfather's mother on my mom's side of the family was from Ranchi, India.
Besides Darvin himself who was currently 15 at the time; two of the other teenagers were 16 years old but the other one was seventeen; and if I can remember; the adults were 20 and twenty two. The reason I know is because they asked me what was my age when they were holding me for hostage in their van and then after I responded I said, "What about you guys?" in a soft wimpering manner. I could barely talk because I was in so much pain and I was crying very heavily. When I cry, sometimes it's hard for me to breathe and speak.
I am not letting anything rob me, but at the same time; you just can't expect someone to not have any scars after experiencing something horrible or life threatening....Of course; they are going be a little off balance... And yes I know there is beauty in this world but I've never gotten the chance to see it before... My life has been nothing but hell! Hopefully the future will be much brighter than my past and my present!!!!
Such a nasty attitude ya got there, Sebastian! Do you mind and are you okay with the idea of living the rest of your life; never being able to have sex ever again? If not, I would think twice before doing that to me. Growing up in the country and all, you know what happens to horses who can't be tamed??? They're castrated! ✂️✂️✂️✂️
Unfortunately, my great uncle died from a heart attack a few weeks before my 18th birthday. It was close around the end of May in 2014! Ever since his loss; my great auntie hasn't really been the same anymore! She moved away from the farm house after she sent me back to the city to live with my grandmother forever. June 2016; I had just turned 20 years old. That was the last time I heard from her. It was a little bit after I finally came home for good. She sent me back when I turned 19. Rosaleen went to a different location and changed her number... Then we sorta dropped connections with each other. But when I spoke to her; she seemed sad and depressed. I first came back to the city when I was 18 and a half but if you are asking when I was officially living in the city permenately; then yes it was 19. The reason why I don't count my 18th age is because during the middle of my 18 years, me and Rosaleen were busy trying to pack up my stuff and drive it back to my grandmother's house in the city. We had to go back and forth a few times until we were done completely. So it's kinda like I was in the country still but coming to the city, then going back to the country for a few days. It was off and on.
You've seen the movie "Scream", haven't you? They called her "Angel Of Death". It was part 4 when Kirby and Olivia told Jill that stab was the wrong franchise for her older cousin Sidney. Even Jill became confused as to why she would never die! She was always the lucky person to survive. I am practically another Sidney Prescott; except I'm not a caucasian woman. My kidnappers tried to take me out when I was 14, but they failed. I tried to commit suicide twice and every single time, something would happen out of the blue; that prevented me from continuing. I got pushed down the stairs in the third grade by some stupid bully. Could've broken my neck or my face but luckily someone else was standing at the bottom of the steps and they took the fall instead. My own family tried to hurt me too; and it still didn't work. There were many chances after chances and miracles after miracles, so tell me.... What led you to believe you will succeed in your murderous plans and schemes? You can't kill me sweetheart! Don't you understand??? I am invincible and I'm blessed. When it is my time to go; I will leave but until then; give up already. Only the lord can determine my destiny! Not these brainwashed individuals walking on this planet; thinking that they are a god and they can do anything they want whenever they feel like it. If I'm so wrong about love being a myth; why not prove me wrong? And if I'm such a horrible human being as you said, why are you acting worse than I am??? Shouldn't you set a good example for both me and society? To make a change, you have to start a new path and follow a different route!!!! Everybody knows you can't fight ugly with ugly. Two wrongs don't make a right! You kill sourness with sweetness!!! Threatening me, calling me names, and fighting me isn't solving one god damn thing.... You're still showing me the opposite of love; which by the way; is hatred! You are basically on the same level as me; but you wanna sit over there and judge me while hiding behind a computer screen??? Bitch go lick your husband's ass crack and get off my website! The hate you're dishing out is why I turned into a nutcase. That kind of unfair treatment by cold hearted people for so many years is what triggered my mental disorders and my negative mindset. You're adding fuel to the fire and you don't realize it. Way to go dumb ass! Now you've caused me to wanna be extra bitter and extra anti than I was before. I find this whole situation hilarious. I'm the crazy person but I have to preach some common sense to a stranger who claims to be this perfect goodie two-shoes??? And why the hell are you explaining how it was when you and your husband met each other? I could care less! Your relationship isn't connected to my life. Nor does it benefit me!!!! It's your business.
Trust me honey! I ain't scared of nobody. I would say all of the stuff I have been saying on the Internet; to your face with my head up high. A person could even point a loaded gun at me and make a guaranteed promise to blow out my brains; if I don't stop speaking negative against relationships, romance, children, and sex. But am I going to cry, scream, or beg for my life? No absolutely not. I would look them dead in the eye and tell them to shoot me because I stand by my word wholeheartedly!!!! I will sacrifice my life over my perspective and my passion. I love what I do!!! Venting is my pride and joy. It doesn't freakin' matter what anyone says! You don't kill people and beat people up; just because you disagree with their opinion! Murder and assault is a crime... Did you know you can go to jail for this? Arguing/screaming equals childish rather than extreme, since it only involves verbal communication; therefore we are still allowed to do so. Fighting is never the solution to any problem; unless someone actually threatened you or tried to physically attack you, otherwise that would be considered self defense; and if you're fixing to kick my ass; you might as well fight every other person in the world because everybody has an opinion. It's just that some individuals may choose to hide their emotions and some are more expressive. In my blogs I mainly talk about... 1.) the meaning of my condition misopedia... 2.) why I hate kids so much.... 3.) what I think of them... 4.) how I wish they would die and 5.) how I want to kill them... But never not once did I say I plan to hurt the youth one day! Words such as will, want, think, wish, and better do not mean the same thing! Better is a command! Will is a word which describes an action that is bound to happen in the future. Want and wish is just a desire! Something that someone craves very badly and a thought that they think of more oftenly!!!! Didn't I mention several times that I am a sociopath instead of a psychopath? I do not act out on my emotions. I only express myself through speaking!!! How can I harm your kids, if i don't know who they are or where they live? And on top of that; I am super paranoid about the consequences of my actions! I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to. Just keep your little demons away from me and I'm good to go!!!! Or better yet, I pray and hope they go to sleep and don't wake up again. Lmao!!!
No darlin! The question is not how do I think I got here... The question is, what makes you think my parents were madly in love with each other and intentionally wanted to be parents??? Just because two people have sex; doesn't necesarily mean that they both love or like one another. Everybody didn't come into this world through affection. Haven't you heard of a thing called circumstances? What fucking universe are you living in? I remember while I was a little child; my mother would sometimes tell me awkward stories about her and my dad's relationship. Whenever a topic of him came up in the conversation and everytime she saw pictures of him, or if anything that concerns my father in general was brought to her attention; that woman's head exploded all over the place. She had some serious hatred towards this man and still does today. She said to me a long time ago; I never wanted to have children. The rubber accidentally broke! And your dad basically used me the whole time we were together... It was never unconditional love. The relationship was based off of lust, lies, and manipulation. That's the reason they seperated and couldn't get married. She described him as an old male reptilian from the pits of hell; who came to the earth to prey on young innocent women. She told me she was in her twenties when they first met and that he was much older than her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBdgcKf3IME There is a movie called Girl Fight!It's one of my favorite shows! The thesis of the film teaches us people that we must know our limits and learn to be mature and stay "in control" under animosity. You just can't hurt a person over something that they say; whether to your face, behind your back, or on the Internet. Words are words and actions are actions! Words don't cause problems!!! The damage comes from how we take the words. Actions are the true culprit. As a blunt ventor; I experience the same as the victim Haley. Random people spot me out in public and try to attack me because of the things I say in my blogs and my comments!!!
If I want to hate babies and children, that is my business. It doesn't have a god damn thing to do with you or anybody else!! I take orders from no one! And last time I checked, there was a federal policy against child abuse! But not for hatred... You can dislike a person and talk crap about them; as long as you don't physically attack them, threaten them, or falsely accuse them of anything!!!!
But you're judging a sick person, which is me... So doesn't that make you sick too??? No decent human being would cut down another human being for having a disorder or a disability. And if you're that much better than me, shut up and show it! Don't stoop to my level. It seems like we could both use the help... me and you!
Ummm... You're wrong and yes they are! All of us people were given "free will" when we came into the world!!!! A person is allowed to choose if they want to spend the rest of their life by themselves or not, so please stop saying ignorant shit! You can't tell me humans were not meant to be alone and I refuse to believe that; until the day they invent a law stating that, "Every single human on this planet must date, get married, have sex, and make babies before they die. If they don't; they will be sentenced to life in jail!"
Help is voluntary! A person has to accept help in order to receive it. A sickness of any kind does not need to be looked into or resolved; unless it is blocking a person from accomplishing and pursing the important aspects of life and conducting themselves accordingly in public. You get what you need to survive... Not what you want to have! Needs are worth more than desires, but if a miracle or a blessing comes your way; you take it as god's gift! Never disregard your reward or let it pass you! My preference and my disorders; jeopardize and affect the bond between me, my buddies, and the new people that I meet; but it's okay because relationships and friendships have no benefits and doesn't provide any reliable source. The main goal is to establish a successful career and make money in order to be able to provide clothes to wear, food to eat, and a place to stay for yourself. I think it's not necessary to get help for an internal issue unless it actually starts to take away your chances of working a job.
Well in that case, are you going to drive to a hospital and tell all of the patients in the hospital, that they should just go home??? Would you say, "forget about your health issues and pretend you're not sick! You don't need medical treatment; regardless whether it is a serious matter." Or what about the people with breathing problems!!!!??? Do you think it's appropriate to tell them to stop acting helpless and learn to breath on their own!? I'm sorry for talking selfish and I'm sorry for assuming the wrong idea, but this is what it sounds like to me. You're coming off as a nonchalant narcissistic jerk. You trivialize the misfortunes of others and I am totally sending my full condolences to your mother if she ever came down with an illness or if she ever gotten hurt because you're not gonna be supportive at all. You would blame her like you're blaming me. No I am not allowing my disorders to decide my life! I am basically embracing my flaws because I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of who I am. My mental aberration is a birthmark, originated by the weight of society that was brought down on my shoulders. You don't know what the hell my life was like growing up. You wanna talk nonsense and go around carrying this "DONT CARE" attitude but I bet you couldn't last a minute in my shoes! I don't want sex and I don't wanna date anybody. Romance and sexual activity makes me uncomfortable! I hate it and I'm scared of it. If you love those things, then whatever! So be it!!! I have no control over your intentions or your interests! Just don't try to compare me to yourself and the folks you know. I am my own person!!!! Why would I choose to let some dude fuck me and impregnate me? And why would I intentionally marry someone or start a relationship with someone, if it causes me to feel bad instead of happy??? Nobody in this world is going to do something that bothers them!
The disorders never forced me to do anything. Everything I ever said and every choice I ever considered came from me personally. It was all my doings!!!!
Just because my website is public; doesn't mean that it's directed towards every single person out there. I'm not talking to the entire universe. My page is only for the people who agree with me, think the same as I do, suffer from my disorders, and fall under my sexual orientation... They are the ones who have a right to come here because we are on the same level mentally!!! Or even if someone is simply interested; they can subscribe too...
Whoever has a problem with my opinion and my feelings; they can just go away. This is not the place where you need to be; if my words are ruining your mood... But frankly; as far as I know, the people who say they are offended, must be concerned or fascinated in some kinf of way; to take the time to listen to me! Otherwise they would not intentionally search my website link and check me out. A normal person wouldn't subject themselves to anything they are bothered by.
Because everybody deals with pain and stress differently! Some go into depression. Some turn to suicide. Some may hold in their anger and act like everything is fine until one day they reach a point where they feel they can not hold it anymore and they blow up in a sporadic rage fit. Then there are people who prefer to retaliate. Getting even is my motive! I seek revenge to heal from the hurt my past experiences made me feel. To want something and to actually do something are two different scenarios! One is a little more extreme than the other. I know without a doubt, I am not becoming the people who tormented me, but if that were true: Don't you think I would be doing what they did to me? The definition of being like someone else is following their footsteps! My enemies beat me, sexually harrassed me, verbally abused me, threatened me, took advantage of me, bossed me around, tried to kill me, and practiced "black magick" against me to bring bad luck upon me. But I have never done any of that stuff to anybody. It's not that I don't want to! I just care too much about the consequences of my actions. There are lots of people I hate with all my "heart & soul" and wish they didn't exist. Sometimes I get violent thoughts about torturing them and I sometimes talk crap about them but I never ever did anything to the folks that I despise. So that being said, I am not my enemies and my enemies are not who I am. They are more psychopathic and devilish than me!
Do you know what it means to push a viewpoint onto another person?... because obviously; it seems like you don't! A form of that would be...
Ranting about how you feel; without giving anybody else any room to talk and if someone disagrees with you or say something completely different than what you said; you insult them, undermine their intelligence, and treat them as if they are stupid and don't know what they're talking about.
Or if you are constantly rubbing your opinion and your feelings in a person's face or bringing it up; after they tell you that they don't care and don't wantg to hear it.
My website is my public territory! This is like my Internet house. I share my thoughts and opinions during my own spare time; in my own interstice. Whether face to face or cyberly, I usually keep to myself. I do NOT intentionally approach people and run off at the mouth unless they ask to hear my point of view... Then I let them know a thing or two!!! Otherwise I only post it here on my webpage. We all have the right to speak our mind! Free will and freedom of speech is a birth right. Us humans are allowed to fly free! This is where I can confess whatever I want and never have to be "cut off" or rudely interrupted by the sensitive individuals who can't handle harsh perspectives. No one has to read my blogs or check out my webspage unless they choose to.
No I do not because it is impossible to go through your whole life and never have a problem with anyone or anything! Anger is a sensation just like every other sensation! Happiness, sadness, nervousness, irritation, fear, etc. Both animals and human beings have emotions, but to not feel; could possibly mean that you yourself are either a robot or an inanimate object. All emotions are natural... Even the negative kind! It doesn't make you a horrible person; if you get mad and upset. That is what you're supposed to do. It's a biological power of mother nature! Everybody was born with the ability to feel.
We all have that one thing that gets under our skin and that one particular somebody we can not stand; for whatever reason and want to punch in the face or wish would die and go away. But it's what you do with those hateful emotions and how you handle it.... Don't let it take control over you!
It's definitely not because they are extremely religious christians who have a problem with anything that diminishes Jesus Christ and overpowers the devil. They are just using this as an excuse to cover up what's really going on and to make themselves look like a saint. I think the main reason why the majority of society hates scary movies is because the world has more evil people than good people... The kind of evil I'm talking about is a person who does or says terrible things to hurt everybody else for their own satisfaction. They don't like to watch scary movies because they can not stand to look at themselves in the mirror. A horror movie is a motion picture that shows a reflection of their real personality and the truth hurts them really bad. It eats them up inside, and that's kinda why I love to watch horror films. It's because my life is like a scary movie. I can relate and it teaches me about the dangers of humanity's intentions and the supernatural as well. If I had kids ( which I don't and never will ) I would introduce him or her to horror movies at a very young age. They need to know the world they live in. It ain't rainbows and sprinkles!
Technically it is a disorder and I'm not going to stop calling it that so get over it. You can consider my mental issues as a hoax, a misconception, or a misdiagnosis. I don't care!!! I'm with you 100 percent; on the whole logic that what we think and believe can influence our behavior, mood, and what we say; other than experiences! That I do agree!!! Yes absolutely. Before something becomes a belief it starts out as a thought. A harmless uncertain idea that we tell ourselves over and over again and once we believe it; we act on it. But here's where you're wrong! A disorder is a state of confusion and a disruption of the normal and natural physical or mental functions! You could even look up the word disorder in the dictionary and you would see the same thing I am telling you. That being said, if a belief is both intense and untrue at the same time; whether negative or positive, and if it gets in the way of living life and enjoying life; then it would become a psychological disorder. A thought, a belief, and a disorder doesn't have the exact meaning. You already know what a disorder is, since I just told you but a thought is a powerless suggestional idea that is undecided, unorganized and hasn't been well planned out. But a belief is a strong emotion that plays a significant role. It has full control over your mentality. It is a thought that you have put together in your head until you figured it out, based on your own knowledge and encounters. It is something you strongly feel is real! The difference between a thought and a belief is that a person might have hundreds and thousands of thoughts going through their mind but none of them produce any force or power. A belief is something that you understand as the truth. Choosing to make it realistic or not is a choice of the power of a belief. Now do you get the point I was trying to make?
If a belief is changing something in your life and not for the better but for the worst; it is no longer just a belief. It is a belief and a disorder. My conditions are destroying the relationship between me and other people... Especially the ones that I'm close with!
Ya see... That's the thing about biographies that were written by other people instead of the actual individual! Some details get left out and some are fabricated. Yes my mom did get sick when I was eight and yes I was taken away for a while, but this wasn't the first time she collapsed. It first started in the year 2001. She had to go to the hospital for a few days and then they brought her back. I wasn't sent away the first time because it was only a few days. My grandmother looked after me during the time. After my mom was treated; eveything was okay. She started doing well again; all the way up until 2005. That's when she got sick again but this time was more severe than the first time. It was so bad that she had to stay in the hospital for a long time. This is when my grandmother decided to send me over to her brother and his wife!